I went to my yoga/pilates based class for the first time in many months. I just stopped going. Why? Because I was sick of it. Sick of the pain that I had to go through during each class, sick of giving up my Sunday morning, and just sick of doing a class I didn’t enjoy anymore because ‘I should’ or ‘it’s good for me’.
Silly hyssie fit rebellion. Giving up this class was a very bad idea. Today was excruciating. I’ve lost so much mobility, strength and flexibility. A class that I used to be able to do, albeit with a lot of pain, was near impossible for me today. I made it through three quarters before I had to stop. I couldn’t move anymore. The pain was too much. My right shoulder won’t bear weight. By the third track I couldn’t lift it from my side. My lumbar spine and SI joints screamed. And my hips wouldn’t move into the positions I used to be able to hold.
It was more than a little soul destroying as well. To be struggling with the easiest options and experiencing more pain than ever before.
I’ve been here before. THIS was the class that got me back into gym after several years of telling myself I couldn’t exercise anymore. This was the class where I built my muscle back up, built my strength and endurance, and in turn, my joints. I built mobility and flexibility and I did it through shitloads of pain. It took many, many months. I built up slowly until I was doing 4 classes a week, and then once I was stronger, I started doing a variety of classes.
I did it before, and I will do it again.
Because, while the class today was not even a little bit of fun, after heat and rest, my hips and lumbar spine are less painful now, and I am moving more freely. My shoulder is a little bitch and my wrists aren’t happy about the weight I put on them, but they’ll recover. Along with my knees and ankles. I am exhausted and wasn’t able to go to my photography course. That sux. But I needed this class. I had to choose. I need this class every week.
There are only two opportunities a week to do this class, and realistically there is only one. Sunday mornings. So this is going to have to be my Sunday routine now. It’s necessary. Time to find the discipline I lost, and start building myself back up. Yoga/pilates can be tailored to any level, and I am starting from bottom, all the easiest options. And that’s enough. Because I will get stronger. I will keep turning up. I will keep trying. I will not quit again.