Today’s card is the Prince of Swords.
The prince of swords represents someone who is fiercely intellectual, full of ideas and designs, domineering, intensely clever…but unstable. Someone strong, creative and intelligent, but with an elastic mind born of chaos, who can as quickly destroy everything he creates.
This card represents a mercurial person, sharp mood changes, lots of energy, but no focus. It represents a chaotic mind, which is filled with activity and ideas…but no solid grounding and no ability to plan. I wondered for a while who this person is. But it became clear.
The imagery on the card shows a chariot pulled by winged fairies, all looking and leaping in different directions. The chariot therefore moves easily, but in no defined direction, and with no purpose, with nothing achieved except by accident.
All of that sounds like a good description of a manic episode to me.
Given where I was yesterday, this card is again pretty perfect. I had a major hypomania episode, peaking and crashing into suicidal depression. I came very close to acting on my impulses. I spent the day dealing with overwhelming sadness and depression, but fast cycling back into mania. My mind was pure chaos, but I finally recognised it for what it was. I have always denied that I am bipolar, denied that I have a ‘real’ mental illness. This card, yesterday, is a fitting representation of my acceptance that I AM the prince of swords…sometimes. Whereas I like to think of myself as caring, sensitive, empathetic, kind…and I am those things, I am also scattered and chaotic and I waste my efforts and throw progress away because I can’t stay committed to one purpose. I have 53 projects going at any one time, and I never progress, let along finish, any of it. Then I lie to myself, blame other people and refuse to see the truth. I get stuck in the past and can’t move forward in any direction.
The card represents the part of me that is out of control, and the chaos that ensues when a hypomanic episode begins. It just slapped me in the face with the things I was already reflecting on, already accepting. Very appropriate. And fascinating stuff! Enjoying this process immensely.
#tarot #tarotaday #tarotreading #tarotcard #chroniclife