The ablation (radiofrequency neurotomy)has stirred up my spine big time. I am so much worse now, than before the ablation. Why? No idea. Did the doc screw it up? Is this temporary? It BETTER be temporary.
The pain is largely at the back of my hips. Left worse than right, and it radiates around to the front. Also shooting pains down my legs. This whenever I move. If I lie down, its OK. If I stand up completely straight and don’t move. Its OK. If I move any which way, shooting, strong pain starts going everywhere. Fireworks, but nowhere near as pretty.
I can walk if I take tiny steps. Even so, I can only walk a few paces before the back-of-hip pain starts radiating. It quickly gets to a point where it takes my breath away and I have to just stand there and be very, very still until it passes. But it doesn’t really pass. It gets a little better and I take tiny fast steps back to the couch. And lie flat.
I had so much planned for today. I am SICK to death of being stuck on the couch. My arthritis pain is barely there. Mild. Annoying maybe. It barely counts I really don’t need this crap!!!
Dear karma, would you please give me a freakin’ break cos, in all honesty, no matter what nasty things I did in a previous life, I think I’ve paid my dues now. Really.
A friend said I sound angry. Damn straight I am angry! I have had enough. I am so sick of this shit. I want my house clean. I want to go buy carpet, cos there are some really great sales on right now. I have been waiting for months for the EOFY sales. I know exactly what I want and where it is. But I can’t get there.
I can’t do much of anything. This is completely incapacitating. It was NOT mentioned in the brochure. It is, however, better than it was this morning. I was considering the ER even though I know that’s stupid and they will do nothing for invisible pain. You need blood and guts for the ER. But I am lucky, I have friends who will take me if I can’t stand it anymore.
I can stand it. I just have to lie still. Here on the couch. And try not to look at the mess that is my house. And try not to think about all the things I was going to do today. I can watch GoT. I can edit photos. I can do anything that doesn’t involve actually moving my lower body.
I am sick and tired of not being able to choose. It’s Saturday. Most people are doing things that they choose to do today. Recreational things, after a hard week at work. Most people are having some fun.
My life is static, same, pain fuelled. Just when Im making progress on one front, something else comes up to knock me down. And I have no choice but to lie down on the couch and wait for things to get better. Angry, yep. I’m angry. And another day goes by that I’ll never get back.