The slowcooker has dinner covered. Im wrecked physically and emotionally.
During the day the swelling and pain reduce. By 5pm Im done. And Im freezing cold, under my heated throw huddled by the heater.
And Im leaving this place as soon as i can.
The dream became a nightmare. The perils of being an optimist.
My shoulder is excruciating now, radiating up into my neck and behind my shoulder blade. The icy cold spray is a godsend.
The road to feeling better is obscured by time, and surgery recoveries and ‘worse before it gets better’ cliches. But there is a road, at least. I’m prepping in ten minute bursts. Im making lists and Im making piles and Im packing boxes.
Its funny how when all you feel is pain, and its the bad pain, how little material objects mean. How little they matter. Things are classed into three categories – can i get money for it? Do i need it? And does it bring back happy feelings and good memories. Few things are in the last category.
Its well past time to go. I knew I was holding on for nothing. I held on anyway. But now its time to move. Anywhere but here. Ten minutes every hour will get me there. #ra #mctd #spondy #eoe #egids #pcos #hashies #adrenalinsufficiency #alone #toolatenow