Five weeks off all drugs except prednisone. Day 3 of 15mg of prednisone, and life is hard. I had to take a whole lot of extra oxycodone, washed down with red wine, to deal with the pain tonight. I just needed a break. I needed to escape.
This is not a good habit to get into.
There are no mild days anymore. There are some moderate days, and a lot of hard nights. I’m adjusting everything down…workouts, house work, writing…life. My world is getting smaller again. I am mostly at home. Alone. I’m making a huge effort to get to the gym. For the social aspect as well as the physical therapy. It’s my only social outlet. I need it. I am also making a huge effort to keep myself occupied on my various projects. My website. My blogging. My photography. But those are solitary pursuits.
Should I start taking meds again? Which ones? My neuro doesn’t know (or care much it seems). My rheumy doesn’t answer my messages. Nothing new there. It’s really up to me.
I don’t know what to do. I need someone to talk to. Someone to run it all past. Someone who will listen, think about it and help me make a decision. I know it’s my decision, and I’m the only one who can decide what to do.
These are the times when its really hard to be alone. Having a partner is not about having someone to take out the garbage, or do the dishes, or make dinner, or fold laundry. That’s not the stuff that matters to me. It’s having someone who cares enough to take the time to listen, learn, understand the issues and give their thoughts. You can tell when someone cares, because they ask questions. And listen to your answers. They talk as well as listen. That’s why its hard to be alone.
Talking to myself isn’t helping much ;).
l’ll have another MRI in about six weeks to see if there are any more bright spots…signs of MS or strokes. I’m quite convinced that the MRI will be clean. Optimist?
In truth, meds were helping maybe 20-30%. Not much. But a lot when you’re close to the line. It’s a whole lot then.
But it’s not very much IF the meds significantly raise the risk of a major stroke, or developing MS. But do they?
I don’t know what to do. I need a friend to talk to. All your comments and thoughts are welcomed.