When people defriend you because you post too much about your illness

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I don’t post often on my personal timeline about my health. I post a little, but 90% of it goes here. I don’t hide this blog or its facebook page or my instagram, but I don’t advertise them either. I started blogging very much anonymously due to the horrific way my friends were treating me. But over time it changes to being a place to educate, and advocate and tell my story. I grew to own it, and acknowledge it. And very much appreciate my friends I’ve made here, and my friends in the real world who follow to keep up with how I’m doing.

One friend told me not to post my health problems on facebook because it is ‘her happy place’ and I ‘bring her down’ and I ‘pollute her timeline with negativity’. Bwahahahaha…My apologies, babe. Wait..did you just call me pollution??? LOL

I have been posting for the last two days about my troubles, for a very simple reason. My ex was not coming to the party, and was not helping enough, in my opinion, with the kids. We still have about 60 mutual facebook friends, all of whom he would like to have think that he’s a really good guy. If they know I’m going through a pretty bad rough patch, and see him posting about how much fun he’s having, and clearly NOT being with his kids when their mother is in hospital, well, that doesn’t look good for him.

Plus his boss, the personal trainer he fell in love with (they aren’t together) is my facebook friend. She is now also a mother. She has more influence over him than anyone. She has given him all the time he needs off to care for his kids and is very understanding, which makes life easier for everyone.

Manipulative? Yes maybe. Bitchy? No, I don’t think so.

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In the last two days I’ve lost 4 facebook friends, I always lose a few when I post about my health. Guess I was bringing them down too πŸ™‚. I don’t even know who, you know how you collect friends but some of them you really don’t know? I’m not bothered in the slightest, but it does say a lot about the lack of empathy in the world in general. And far too many people truly believe you can fix anything with a healthy diet and exercise. For example, I posted the same post about the coca cola on my personal timeline, and a friend actually posted back in all caps that ‘COKE WILL ROT YOUR GUTS’ and instantly defriended me. He actually believes that if I stopped drinking coke, I would have no health problems. OMG…seriously.

No loss to me, but I wonder at the collective ignorance, the responsibility of the ‘wellness’ industry for making people arrogant, uneducated dipshits who believe there is no such thing as disease, that its just ‘DIS-ease’ with your body, and a psychological condition that you can fix with diet, exercise, yoga, thinking positive. These things can help a great deal but they aren’t cures. Oh and if you quit sugar or go Paleo all illness can be cured.

Victim blaming. Victim blaming everywhere!!!

Still, my ex husband is looking after our kids next week while I have my hysterectomy. And he is being supportive and kind now. I believe he just panics when these things happen, and initially he reacts all wrong. He comes through in the end. But yes, I did manipulate the situation, and yes, I lost some…people. Not friends. Not people that matter πŸ™‚#hurtingbuthappy #RA #Itsnotmyfaultihavetoeatpaleo #allergies #EoE#Ididntquitsugar #LOL

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6 COMMENTS

  1. Good to hear the ex has stepped up. Feel free to “pollute” away as a wise man once said those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.Take care xo

  2. If Facebook is her “happy place” she needs a life. Do you what you have to do to get the Ex on board. Oh you sang my song about the “diet” folks. Youtube is repleate with people who have cured their RA, and other incurable diseases, by going paleo/vegan/acupuncture/colon cleanse/ chanting/yoga/gluten free/etc etc…you get the point. I was once, in the comments, called a “perpetual victim” when I tried to point out the errors stated in the video about this disease. There is also no cure for the “willingly ignorant”, those who won’t even bother to do the Googling it takes just to get a working knowledge of autoimmune. Since my RA-lung diagnosis and facing the fact that I am terminal, made me rethink a lot of things. And even recently, I made the decision that if certain people (family included) don’t want to be in my life because of their petty issues of some perceived “wrong” I inflicted on them 30 years ago, then I don’t want them in my life. If they can’t let go and love, I don’t want them in my life, if we can’t embrace what time I have left in love, I don’t want them in my life. WE are the ones who need the “happy”, and don’t need THEM polluting our precious time with their fake friendship and their negativity. As I told a family member very recently “bring me happy when you come, or don’t come at all. And check your drama at the door”. They didn’t come. So be it. Be well girl!!! Good luck on the surgery πŸ™‚

    • ‘No cure for the willingly ignorant’…perfectly put Melissa. I don’t know how they live with themselves. I am so sorry about your terminal diagnosis…your attitude is amazing. Yes, make the most of the time you have, with the people who you love, and who will embrace, and love you back. And love includes forgiveness. If they hold grudges over petty things at this point, they have nothing to offer you. Check your drama at the door, indeed. Much love to you <3

  3. I got a bitchy facebook post about six months ago from a woman who friended me. Sher wrote on my timeline I was self-centered and filled her life with crap. I think I am too liberal for her, if she voted for this one fellow in our national election I am certain she is right, I am way too liberal for her.

    I like being liberal and I love that she has no understanding of how to operate Facebook. One has got to love people. Did I mention she friended me? Idiot.

    • I think I would be way too liberal for her too, Rick. And given all you do for the RA and Diabetes communities, plus the personal support and kindness you give freely to friends, even ones on the other side of hte world whom you’ve never met, I would say ‘self-centered’ is the absolute opposite of who you are!!! If her life is full of crap, she’s the one that put it there!!! Those kinds of people never cease to amaze me. I’m very glad you’re my friend, thank you Xx

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