Today is Actemra day. I hope it improves things. Pain is very bad this morning and oxy hasn’t done its thing. This whole last week has been rough, Actemra shot didn’t do much, but I’m still recovering and I’ve had a lot to manage. A lot of stress, a lot of physical work and no gym work.
This week clearly demonstrates the difference between the right kind of exercise (the gym stuff I do) and how beneficial that is, and the wrong kind of exercise (having to move furniture, even light things) and how hard that is on an arthritic body.
Lower back pain, as always, is the worst, knife twisting in my spine. I will have to take a naprosyn today, despite ulcer issues, because for some reason, naprosyn is the most effective thing for the back pain. I can’t manage the back pain today, it has been a long hard week and I have stuff I need to do today. I don’t want to spend today lying flat on my back, wrapped in heated throws. Naprosyn should buy me a few upright hours.
All my other joints are hurting too, and I have much more swelling these days. I can’t make a fist ever and I can feel the fluid in my knees. I need Actemra to be magic again. I also need to move my shot day, because having Friday and Saturday as the worst crip days, and Sunday as side effect city is not ideal. But first I need to improve again. Then I’ll move my shot by one day each week until I get it to Tuesday or maybe Wednesday. Most days I can deal with the pain. Today I just don’t want to. I’m tired. I’m sore everywhere. I’m alone. And my brain is screaming “It’s not fair” even though I know that’s hardly helpful thinking. I can’t be positive all the time, and I’m tired of the people who expect me to be. I’m allowed to feel sad sometimes. I’m allowed to acknowledge that sadness and work through it in my own time.
Last night the horrible upper right GI pain struck. The one that I used to call an ambo for. I don’t bother anymore. Yes, the morphine would be nice, but the severe part only lasts an hour, end to end. It’s a horrible hour, but I know it will become dull and then fade after about an hour. I’m sure it can’t be the ulcer, but they always blame it on an ulcer. This pain is much more severe than ulcer pain. I’m familiar with ulcer pain, but I’m just the patient. What would I know, right? I guess I will have to have the endoscopy, but I don’t want to. Once the ulcer is proven healed, my gastro might think harder about what else could be causing that pain. I’ve had it four times now since hospital, so its averaging once a month. Its pretty damn horrible, but if it were anything serious, it would have done more damage by now. I’m at the ‘just accept it’ stage. Once a month isn’t too bad.
I’ve been up for two hours and pain is still unmanageable. Going to have to take more oxycodone. My ex-jogging buddy who brought me the food this week is coming over with her son. He wants to see Bella. Loves puppies. I can’t let down an 8 year old and a friend who brings food!!! :). I’m not above asking them to move a box or a side table or two tho 😉
I’ll need another hour for the extra oxy to kick in. And then my day can begin…still with pain, fatigue, headache, stomach pain, itchy rash all over, inflamed eyes, blurred vision, loud ringing in my ears, and burning icy hot pain in my left hand and left foot. My left side is particularly asleep today. I have no idea how or why it fluctuates so much. It makes ME feel like its all in my head. It doesn’t make sense. All my GP has to offer is physio and lyrica. Nope. Lyrica is not for me. I’ll keep with the physio, and I have to get back to gym. But not today. Tomorrow I’ll start back. Hopefully Actemra will help me with that.
