Dr Efficient and just like that she prescribed my opioids

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And just as simple as that, Dr Efficient prescribed my oxycodone. I told her the last few days have been nothing short of torture and she expressed surprise that no other doctor would prescribe my opioids. She apologised, I told her it wasn’t her fault, and thanked her profusely. She remained mystified at my emotion and why my pain medications were refused. She asked how my 50mg burst had gone and if I had followed her advice (50mg x 5 days, 25mg x 5 days, and now down to my usual 15mg). I told her I had, and that while on 50mg I had a weekend at the coast and did a 5km walk. Something I haven’t been able to do in at least 4 years. She said that was amazing, as was the degree of deterioration since. She even said she wished she could organise a prednisone infusion for me today, but she didn’t have the authority. But she felt sure my rheumatologist would ‘get onto it’. She said she believes that monthly infusions are the only hope left for me and genuinely wished me luck.
I went to the pharmacy and filled my scripts. I took a dose 30 minutes ago, but I think I will need to take another dose to get on top of this level of pain. I was awake for most of the night and I am emotionally wrung out. My kids are still asleep so at least I can cry openly in peace. The last few days have been torture. There’s an emotional toll for that. The only upside is that I do know that I can’t cope without the oxycodone, and that I have to fight for the prednisone infusion. I know the risks. It should be my choice, and my choice is quality over quantity. My rheumatologist tries to tell me I am not severe enough to make the risks worthwhile, but I have to wonder how much worse things have to get? Exactly where does she draw the line? It doesn’t matter. That’s tomorrow’s battle. Right now I’m back on the couch, under my heated throw, with my psycho cat. And at least right now, I know that in an hour the pain will be under control. With a bit of luck I might even be asleep. And when I wake up this afternoon the world will be a better place. And there will be hope. 

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