I’m not big on ‘ a – something – a day ‘ challenges. Photo a day, drawing a day, meme a day, poem a day, exercise session a day…I’ve been pressured into all of them. Sometimes I attempt them, and I always, but ALWAYS don’t finish out the year. Mostly I don’t make it through a month. A week.
Because, while I really appreciate its supposed to be a tool to enforce an artistic practice, regularity, just DOING it rather than procrastinating, AND make you accountable, usually to a facebook group, all it really does is take up a WHOLE lot of time.
Time I don’t have. I am chronically ill. I’m in a lot of pain, every day. I only have two to six upright hours in a day. A six hour day is a great day! Those days are rare, but they do happen sometimes. Mostly I have four hours. I’m not going to spend one of those hours enforcing a practice, and spending time on a facebook group talking about it. I can’t afford to.
People have often pressured me, and I have tried. But it just doesn’t work for me. It works for others, and that’s great. These things can bring a lot of joy.
The last one I did was a photo-a-day challenge, and it was a lovely social group. But it wasn’t about photography. I actually got snarky comments from someone that the group wasn’t for ‘professionals’ (which I am not). She didn’t like that I’d watermarked my photos. She thought I was a professional and therefore that was unfair, and I shouldn’t be part of the group. Very rude, I thought. As always, just one bad egg. But she soured the whole experience for me.
That competitive edge, I HATE that shit!
I also hate pointless sunshine blowing up people’s wazoo, which is another outcome of these things. Yeah, its nice to have people gushing over my haiku lamenting lost love…but its not real. Its not true. It’s not artistic critique. It’s not meaningful. It wasn’t a good poem, it was just something that made me feel better.
I guess I sound like a jaded cynic. Maybe even a bit of a bitch. As I said, it just doesn’t work for me.
What I am going to do is a Tarot card a day.
This is a deck I’ve had for over 30 years. It was gifted to me when I was a teen. It was never my favourite deck, or the one I wanted, but it became mine.
Now I don’t see the tarot as a divinity, a way to see the future.
It’s a tool for mindfulness. A tool to stop, reflect and then consciously move forward in a decisive way.
Its very simple. I draw a card. I recall the meaning of that card. I reflect on that meaning, and how that relates to what is currently happening in my life, questions I may be pondering, situations I am dealing with, courses of action I am considering.
And that’s it. The Tarot doesn’t tell me what to do. It illuminates what is on my mind, in my heart and what I truly feel.
It’s a bit like when you have a decision to make and you can’t decide. You toss a coin, heads you do it, tails you don’t. It comes up heads…and you instantly realise that you DON’T want to do it.
It hones your feelings, it brings out your truth.
That’s the tarot, to me. It’s a bit of fun, but its also a useful tool. For me.
So, come along with my on this little daily journey.
Where did I get the idea?
From my musical hero, Johnette Napolitano of Concrete Blonde fame. My favourite musician ever. She does a daily podcast. So I am shamelessly copying her idea. Thank you Johnette.
So here goes. My first card.
Two of Wands – Dominion
Dominion – a card of control.
Wands signify enterprise, energy and growth. And the two is all about looking at two options, two directions and deciding which future to take. (Perfect card for New Year’s Day, wouldn’t you say?).
This card symbolises pure thought, and fervent desire. The combination indicates a well-balanced person with a kind nature, but the essence of this card is potential as yet unfulfilled. The card also denotes high ideals and aims, and a desire for a new outlook from that which has gone before. There is change in the air, and a feeling of restlessness. The card promises success, but through strength and vision, initiative will overcome obstacles.
Well. That’s pretty simple, isn’t it? I know that every card I pulled out of the deck would make me go “Ooooh, spooky! That’s exactly where I am right now”…but THAT’S EXACTLY WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW!
Yesterday I learned some pretty huge things. And you know what? Though they were awful revelations, it didn’t change anything. I have been stuck, and I haven’t wanted to be. And yesterday I just got sick of being stuck. I want to write my hospital memoir. I want to write music again. And I want to do more formal advocacy work, and help improve life for people with arthritis and those living with severe chronic pain. These are my goals.
In there I have to earn some money as well, so I will be focusing on my business. Also raising awareness and contributing to worthwhile charities while I do it. Social conscience is important to me.
But most important of all is family, and the few close friends. A few old friends came back into my life in 2018. People from my past who were, and are, very important to me. They are the best thing about 2018, and that’s what I will remember about last year. Not the crazy shit that happened. The great people who came back into my life, and made it better.
So. Good card. Makes perfect sense to me. Exactly how I have been feeling. Focus. Creativity. Energy. Restlessness. Moving forward away from the past. All good, positive things. This card is telling me to stay strong and keep focused, perseverance and creativity can overcome anything. Or that’s my interpretation. Best of all? I can come back here and remind myself, check myself and measure my progress.
Day one. Done. Let’s see how long I manage to keep this up.