I am mentally ill and I am not ashamed

3
308

I am quiet, but I am not ashamed. I had a major psychological break and I am suffering from mental illness. I’m not hiding it. Im not ashamed. I’m not weak. I didn’t fail. I don’t feel any shame or stigma in admitting it or talking about it. I’m just not able to explain very well yet…complex feelings and I have only very simple words that go away. It’s hard to hold onto thoughts. I have moments of clarity…and then they’re gone. I’m irrational at times, I suddenly cry. I have outbursts of emotion that I can’t control and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want them to hurt me either. I feel paranoid that they planned this. I get trapped in reruns of the past, and paralysed by fear of the future. Or that there isn’t one. I feel worthless and lost and so very tired. But then my child comes to ask for a hug and I know I’m important and needed and it’s mental illness that’s making me feel this way. I’m taking seroquel which is both an antidepressant and antipsychotic. Like every other disease or syndrome or set of symptoms I’ve been dealt I’m doing my best. I’m quiet. But I am not ashamed.

3 COMMENTS

  1. No shame your brain is a bit sick, no different from RA where immune system goes haywire. Hope the meds are helping.Rick is right only crazy people think they are fine.Most of the rest of us ride a fine line and sometimes get pushed over through no fault of our own. All the very best.Take care xo

  2. Take care love. I understand. My mother was Boarderline Personality Disorder and so is my oldest son. Believe me, the first/best/biggest step is admitting there’s a problem, and seeking help. Both my mother and my son (my mother passed 3 years ago) can not/could not admit. “YOU’RE the one who needs help!” I heard both of them scream at me. It is indeed a fine line, as Rochelle said. My mother really did a “job” on me, and I ended up in therapy for a while myself, just to try and undo the damage, or at least try and make sense of it, and understand it was her sickness, and not her. The others are right, its is the “crazies” that think they are fine. I heard once or read it or something, that “1 in 4 individuals have a mental issue, even if its just garden variety depression. So look at your closest 3 friends, if they’re ok, then its you.” LOLOLOL. I had to admit, yeah….its most likely me. 🙂 And as my therapist said once, “everybody has a story, everybody has an issue….most of us just learn to hide them, deal with them, in our own way”. Take care, we’re still here for you.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here